What Really Matters
Growing up in a household that consisted of two children and a single Mother, I was taught many things. Most of them were learned on my own, as my Mom was too busy trying to make ends meet and put food on the table, but one of the few things she taught me, whether it be directly or indirectly, was how to treat a woman and what it takes to hold a relationship.
I have witnessed my Mother go through several relationships. (For those of you who were lucky enough to have a family that included a Father, you are fortunate. The package I received, although I’m not complaining, seemed to be missing that part.) Time and time again, my Mom would date men who were the “Macho” type. They worked laborious jobs, like construction worker or auto-technician, and would come home at the end of the day and just want to relax. As an adult, I realize what they go through, as I have had my share of hard jobs, but this isn’t the point I’m trying to make. I have seen my Mom go from giddy as a school girl in-love, to becoming a drained house-wife who received the blunt end of the stick when it came to love.
I remember “Bill”. He was a man who slaved away in the sun to build homes. He was a contractor, construction worker, mason, electrician, all around handy-man, joker, bowler, and an alcoholic. He was the type to wash his meals down with a Budweiser, no matter the time of day. In the beginning of my Mom’s relationship with Bill, things were great. He was a funny man who I thought was genuinely caring and I admired for working his ass off to get some money but, like with most relationships, things fade.
This is understandable, I know that things change and it is inevitable. But, in my opinion, the “love” you have for a person, shouldn’t. I believe that if you were to love a person, to make them feel it, should be a priority. Just loving a person is not enough.
For example, you may have a pet. You’ve raised this pet since it was a puppy or a kitten or what have you, and you can genuinely say that you love this animal. As it grows you feed it, play with it, nurture it. It is safe to assume that, even with time, as you grow attached to this pet, you will never stop feeding it, playing with it, or nurturing it. This is the love that you have for your pet.
The same should happen if you were to love a person.
You should never allow yourself to stop feeding and nurturing your love for that person.
This is the one thing that the guys my Mother dated failed to realize. Once the “courting” ritual was over, they seemed to go into auto-pilot. Letting the fact that they are still around, feed the fire of their relationship. They stopped going on dates, rarely brought around gifts, stopped all the little things that made my mother feel like she was no longer wanted, but just kept around.
I saw her pain and I didn’t like it.
I vowed that I would NEVER want that to be the base of my relationship with someone that I TRULY loved.
Granted, I am NOT the dating type. I don’t see the need to be with someone if the reason in the long run is not to fall in love and get married and have children. To keep someone in your life, whom you call your “significant other” without the intent to love them, and continuously show your love for them, would be a waste of time.
Witnessing the ins-and-outs of failed relationships, gave me a leg-up on the competition. Maybe, growing up with a single Mother gave me an advantage to know what it takes to make a relationship work.
Don’t degrade the meaning of love. Make it work if you truly believe that you love the person you’re with.
Sometimes I wonder if I would be better off dead.
I am not afraid of death.
I embrace it.
I am more afraid of being inadequate, because that’s all I ever seem to be nowadays.
Little things in a relationship.
The little things in a relationship are one of the best things anyone can ask for. Like sleeping on the phone, watching tv together, taking naps, snuggling, just having a normal dinner together. Stuff like this are things that I love in a relationship. It makes you grow closer together and be comfortable with the one you love.